surrender to chaos
comprender que solo estar es mas puro
we spend so much of our lives pretending that chaos is something to be fought against. we build detailed schedules, draw up long-term plans, telling ourselves that if we just optimise enough, if we are efficient in what we do, we can keep the messiness of the world at bay.
we treat uncertainty like an intruder, an annoying interruption in what should otherwise be a smooth, predictable life. we put labels on everything before we know what it is.
but the truth is, chaos isn't a breakdown of order. it is the default state of the universe.
when we stay inside our familiar routines, we cling to the illusion that we are in control. we get so used to our manicured & curated environments that the slightest unexpected twist - a delayed train (this is adressed at fellow travellers on deutsche bahn trains: stop the constant complaining and get comfortable!), a sudden shift in plans, a change in weather - feels like a catastrophe. we think, this shouldn't be happening.
now, consider what happens when the unexpected twist is something that surfaces inside of us, difficult memories from the past or feelings that we haven't known so far and don't know how to deal with.
in the last post i wrote about the unknown, both in the physical world and the interior universe we live in (that are actually just one universe). voluntarily stepping into the unknown gets us to be okay with chaos. maybe, if we learn to be in the moments, if we live without putting expectations on what the end results should be. there aren’t any, only further fragments of time we get to live in.
when you step out onto an unfamiliar trail, enter a space where you don't know the rules, or dive into a situation where you can't predict the outcome, something shifts inside you. you are stripped of your usual safety nets. you are forced to navigate the moment in real time, reacting to whatever shows up.
at first, it feels uncomfortable, maybe even terrifying. but as you move through the unknown, after every curveball life throughs at you, you realise one thing: the new, previously unknown experience enriches your life, adds colours (one caveat: as long as you survive it!).
stepping into the unknown exposes you to chaos in an intentional way. it acts like a mirror, showing you that chaos was always there, surrounding you all along. the storm wasn't just waiting out there on the sea, life itself is a constant, shifting ocean. chaos is the constant element of life.
once you realise that chaos is everywhere, it stops being scary. it transforms from a threat into something completely normal and acceptable. you stop asking the world to be predictable, and you start trusting your own capacity to navigate the unpredictable.
surrendering to chaos doesn't mean you love disorder or that you give up on making choices. it simply means dropping the illusion of control. it means learning to be in the wind (sometimes violent, with ice and rain) rather than to fight against it. it's realising that peace doesn't come from the outside environment, but from inside yourself while the world spins around you.
when you accept that chaos is just the natural rhythm of being alive, the unknown stops being a place to fear. it becomes the only space where real growth actually happens.
so, for myself, do i wish for more chaos? not necessarily, but i want to surrender to it.
siéntate en el suelo del bosque
entrégate a la tierra
cierra los ojos
un toque en tu sien
en tu frente
en tu pecho
tres golpes en tus puertas
inhala
retiene el aire
un dragón despierta tras tus ojos
moviendose entre los oscuros pliegues de tu cerebro
insuflando fuego en cada rincón
tu frente se abre
el dragón se alza de nuevo
tu cráneo se vuelve un horno
ardiendo desde adentro
algo afloja sus manos sobre ti
pensamientos, miedos, palabras
déjalos ir
ponte en pie
no te pares sobre la tierra
párate con ella
raíces bebiendo oscuridad
hongos hablando entre los muertos y los vivos
huesos volviéndose tierra
tierra volviéndose árboles
árboles volviéndose aliento
abre los ojos
el bosque no ha cambiado
tú eras quien estaba cerrado
tu corazón late dentro de su jaula de hueso
más antiguo que cualquier pensamiento que tengas sobre ti mismo
el viento se mueve entre los árboles
deja que se mueva a través de ti
una libélula se posa en tu mano
alas de cristal que llevan trozos de cielo
el color se desprende de las cosas
halos se forman alrededor de las hojas
un escalofrío recorre tu columna
el bosque respira a través de ti
el pasado se desvanece
el futuro desaparece
estás completo
no hay nada más
solo el universo
